I can’t stop thinking about the “good deed” I supposedly just performed… And whether or not it was actually a good deed or my ignorance enabling another.
To take a step back, I had a wonderful Mediterranean dinner with my long-time friend, Jen. We have known each other since high school and after establishing a once-a-week lunch date throughout all four years in college, we upgraded to dinner when we moved to NYC almost 7 years ago. She’s basically the sweetest girl you’ve ever encountered and one seriously spectacular and genuine friend. But I digress…
After we departed with full belly’s and our next date on the calendar, I continued on my walk home. Shortly after, a woman asked me for some food. Begging is no rare occurrence here in the city and is usually ignored as I continue on my way, but today, something made me stop. I was carrying leftovers. And she asked for food, not money. Without hesitation, I handed over the bread that was meant to go with my hummus. She wasn’t overly excited, which may be the exact reason that I felt the need to write this as soon as I got home, but I can’t help but wonder if she really will appreciate the food or wanted money for something else instead. Granted, I also feel like a terrible person for even thinking so negatively, but I can’t seem to shake it. And even as I saw her walking away, I turned back at least twice in the next block to confirm my own suspicions.
So was it a good deed or someone taking advantage of a generous moment? I’m hoping for the former because otherwise the world looks pretty bleak from where I’m standing.